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THE BOABY SLAP HAS MOVED
By no time Hugo Award nominee William T. Farah Fawcett.
Robert DeNiro has confessed that since recently re-watching his performance in Martin Scorsese's 'Cape Fear,' he can't stop writing shit all over himself.
There had been much excitement and joyerry in the TV World as a new sitcom starring Mary Tyler Moore and Burt Reynolds, called Mister, You're So Cheeky!, almost got the green light. The project was considered gold until Burt insisted that he write some of his own jokes, threatening to walk out if the demand wasn’t met. The producers reluctantly agreed to allow this but Studio Execs pulled the plug when they saw the pilot and the project is now 'completely fucked'. Some of the following script excerpts, written by Burt Reynolds, have been blamed for the projects demise.
The following is an excerpt from Doin' Time Sucks Big Time Ass, the prison diaries of Eric Magneto Jnr. The social implications of what he writes could be both devastating and irrelevant.
NYPD Blue star, Dennis Franz, is set to play Yoko Ono in a new biopic of John Lennon. The actor, determined not to be typecast after more than a decade of playing a bald man, feels he is perfect for the role.
With so much happening at this years Tribeca Art Festival, please allow me, Zsa Zsa LeTights, to tell you what you're allowed to look at with your eyes and like. Not heeding my advice may leave your opinion rendered worthless. And having a worthless opinion surely renders one's life worthless and would surely mean one would have to kill oneself. I am that important. Read what you are to love.
Salman Rushdie knew he couldn't beat Roman Polanski in a sex-down. He'd known it since that fateful night in Paris when he almost sexed his own beard off after Polanski threw another catty insult his way.
Mister T. has inflamed the strained political relationship between the USA and China with the following, controversial press release.
Much speculation has surrounded the potential theme of Dan Brown's follow up to his controversial blockbuster, The DaVinci Code. We can reveal that The Da Vinci Code sequel will make further controversial claims about Christ and the Catholic Church. The book will claim that the Church covered up evidence that Christ was not crucified for claiming to be King of the Jews, but in fact crucified for kicking Pontius Pilate up the arse and then calling his wife a 'fat dyke'. The main focus of the book will be on how the church killed eight billion people and some cute rabbits in an attempt to hide the secrets of the personal diaries of Jesus Christ. The book will mention several diary entries from a teenage Jesus, including one where he wonders when Mary Magdalene will finally 'drop the act and get her tits out'. There will also be mention of several diary entries where Jesus recalls the painful memory of some boys in school giving him a 'wedgie' and everyone in the class seeing the 'skidmarks' on his underpants. Brown's book will claim that the diaries are guarded by a secret organisation called The Wu Tang Clan, who keep the sacred documents hidden, by rolling them up into a tight scroll and shoving them up their 'black asses'. As if all that wasn't enough to upset the Church, the book will also feature a chapter where a stark naked Pope is running around the Vatican with a rocket launcher trying to frag a nun after she requests that sanitary towel dispensers be placed in the Vatican toilets. Brown's publishers have asked that the Church condemn the book nice and early to ensure good advance sales.